Survivor... - Part 1
by MateriaGirl
Summary: Not necessarily a complete mimic of the show 'Survivor' but somewhat like it! ^_~


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Author's Note: I was having a writer's block during this story, so expect the worst, and enjoy! ^_~

Survivor

Our favourite group, AVALANCHE, was taking a break in the Highwind. Instead of saving the planet, talking all heroic-like or helping the innocent…they were relaxing and eating…What could go wrong, I wonder…?

"No, No! Make that 25 pieces!" Tifa ordered, at the counter of a new restaurant called 'KFC', which obviously stands for…'Kalm Fried Chocobo'…In Kalm Town…{Spoof off KFC, Kentucky Fried Chicken. Sorry for all you chocobo lovers out there! ^_~} 

Anyhow, as Tifa continued, "Make that 30 pieces of Chocobo instead. You see, my friend, Barret Wallace eats a lot. He just doesn't admit it. Marlene told me. Yeah, 30- No, I meant 45, instead. Because you see, Barret eats 25 pieces all to his self. Aeris is a vegetarian so she's out of the subject! We'll just get her a nice salad. I prefer eating more than 3, Cloud usually enjoys a large buffet before bed, Yuffie likes to string them together and play with them, and then she eats them afterwards. And then, there's Cid, who always sneaks midnight pieces off to his room, It's a habit, ya know? Anyhow, besides them, Vincent and Red XIII pretend they don't like chocobo, but they always pig out on the extra pieces, about 6 or 7. And Cait Sith, prefers to have a competition with Barret on who can eat the most, the fastest." Tifa sighed. "It's a habit, seriously!" She grinned.

The lady at the bar looked at Tifa, with an 'Are-you-kidding-me?' sort of look, and she sighed too. "And the total of your order comes too?"

"Well….That's uh…97 pieces of chocobo, 2 salads, 4 2L bottles of Cola and 2 packs full of 20 potato wedges!" Tifa smiled. "How much?"

The lady calculated the order, "One…credit card."

"Everything in it?" Tifa gawked.

"Hand it over, lady!" The lady took the credit card from Tifa, scanned in the money and smiled fakely, "Thank you have a nice day."

A cart came from out back, carrying the order for AVALNCHE. 

Tifa started pushing it out the doorway. She then paused and turned around, "…My card…"

"Is no more!" The lady smiled.

"All of it's gone?" Tifa gawked.

The lady smiled. "Next time, tell your friends to lend you the money…bye now!"

Tifa grumbled as she walked out the door, and on a slope leading to the Highwind.

Barret jolted up, "I smell 25 pieces of chocobo with my name on it!" He grinned heading for the food.

Yuffie, who heard what Barret said, lifted up a pack of 25 pieces of chocobo and shrugged, "Funny, I don't see a name on it." She giggled.

"Gimme that!" Barret grabbed the chocobo pieces. "Ain't none of you got respect!" 

"…Aren't ya gonna eat?" Red XIII asked Vincent.

Vincent kicked the dog or lion or whatever Red XIII is, and whispered, "I don't like chocobo, remember?"

Red XIII smiled, "Neither do I!" And they both grinned as if nothing had happened.

Tifa walked up to them, "Vincent, Red XIII, I ordered you each 7 pieces…Don't you want any?" They shrugged. "I know your tricks! Pretty soon, you'll be scavenging the Highwind for a piece! I've seen you…Just take it and save yourselves the aggravation!"

Vincent and Red XIII took the bags and stared at each other. Vincent sighed, "She's figured us out!"

"What do we do?" Red XIII asked.

"…We eat." Vincent replied.

"…I second that." Red XIII grinned, at the chocobo pieces. Then they both collapsed on chairs and began eating and eating. So did everyone else, besides Yuffie, who was making 10 chocobo pieces into a mansion.

Aeris finished the salad, and glanced over at everyone else, "…You guys should be more orderly." She stated, looking at Barret and Cait Sith who were having a competition, swimming back and fourth in chocobo.

"I can win!" Cait Sith grunted, reaching for the steering wheel.

"Don't bet yo' cat food on that! I've got this competition in the bag, man!" Barret grunted as well, reaching harder for the wheel. He kept reaching, and reaching until he finally touched it. He jumped up and cheered, "I WON! I WON!!"

"I was soooooo close!" Cait Sith grumbled, looking a very long distance away from the steering wheel.

"Hand over…5 pieces! We agreed, cat!" Barret snapped.

Cait Sith picked up 5 pieces of chocobo and handed them over to Barret, angrily.

Barret grinned, scarfing the chocobo pieces down. He leaned back on the steering wheel, enjoying the moment. The feel of warm, fried chocobo in his mouth…he leaned back so much that he didn't notice…that the steering wheel was moving on it's own!!! It was going, full speed around the world! Barret shrieked like a school girl, "AAH!! No one's flying the plane!!"

Cid looked up, "WHAT?! DARN!!!" He ran over to Barret and shoved him out of the way. "Why didn't you take control of the plane?! Now it's going to fast, the intensity to is too much for me to pilot the Highwind now! We're screwed!!!"

Aeris looked up and shrieked, "Oh no!"

Yuffie looked at her, "Would you shut up?! We're in crisis here and you just shriek for no good reason? Why don't you think of something to help us with?"

Cloud chuckled, walking over to Barret, he patted him on the shoulder, "Barret, I didn't know you had that in you."

"Whad'dya mean?" Barret snapped. 

Cloud chuckled again, "You shriek like a girl-"

"SHUT UP, BOY!!" Barret raged. "…B-Boy?" Barret looked at Cloud, as he fell on the ground. "I…think I killed the boy!…- Huh?" Laughs, snorts and chuckles were heard from Cloud. Barret turned him over to see Cloud laughing his head off. Barret kicked him, still laughing, "Fool!"

Cid shrieked, "WE'RE GONNA CRASH!!" The Highwind was zooming up faster and faster. And then suddenly…It CRASHED into a mountain!!!

Everyone flung out of the Highwind's front window onto an island in the middle of nowhere.

Aeris got up, "See Yuffie!" She snapped. "We should have panicked when we had the chance! Now that we're probably stranded, that's all we'll be doing!!"

"Shut Up, already!…Where's Cid? He'll know how to fix this!" Yuffie gasped.

Cid got up from the ground and looked at the Highwind, "I don't know if I can fix this."

"WHAT?!" Yuffie gawked.

"Calm down, shorty! I'll get some tools and start repairing it again, if I can." Cid grunted, walking into the forested area.

Tifa was looking on a small communicator looking thing. She grumbled, "This area isn't anywhere on my map! We couldn't be lost, could we?"

"Don't ask. The sound of that word lost makes me think of me." Cloud sighed. "It's best for all of us to just rest. We won't be getting out of here anytime soon, and I'm sure of that."

Tifa slapped Cloud on the face and snapped, "Jerk!" Then she walked away.

Vincent got up, and so did Red XIII. They were still chewing on pieces of chocobo in their mouth. Vincent gulped, "Where are we?"

Red XIII sighed, "Do you honestly think I know?"

Vincent sighed, "Well, Red. You're grandfather is some levitating old guy that knows everything, so don't blame me if I thought that kind of stuff is in your genes!"

Red XIII looked at Vincent, and then at himself, "I don't wear jeans."

"AW, SHUT UP!" Vincent snapped. "We're doomed! Doomed! Doomed! Doomed! We're Stranded!!"

Red XIII sighed, "When did you notice that?"

"When I knew you weren't smart, we had to be doomed! Now, there's no one to tell us a bunch of stuff we don't understand!"

Cid came up to Vincent, "Whoa!" He began. "The rear's crashed, and the sides are damaged. So the engines are gonna have to rest for a while. But the propeller's fine, not to it's best though, only because the engines okay and stuff…ya know?"

Vincent sighed, "NOOOO!!!!"

Red XIII smirked, "See, Vincent. There's plenty of people to tell you stuff you don't understand. You don't seem to understand anything."

Vincent grumbled at the dog or lion or whatever Red XIII is. 

Later on, when everyone realized they were stranded until the Highwind was fixed, they decided to go hunting for food.

Barret grunted, "Aren't there any chocobo 'round here?"

Cid looked at Barret, "No…You ate 'em all."

Barret grumbled.

Tifa was sitting down, on the beach, mixing something. Aeris looked at her, "Ooo, what are you cooking?" She asked.

"A mint drink….Or something like that." Tifa replied. "Can you pass me that leaf over there?"

"This one?" Aeris asked, picking up a mint smelling leaf. "Are you sure this is edible?"

"Would you prefer drinking salty water all day?" Tifa asked, snatching it from Aeris. "…Why aren't you hunting with the rest of them?"

"There's poison ivy out there. We don't even have a guide of different kinds of plants or anything! We're doomed as far as I know…And I don't." Aeris moped. 

"Well-"

"AAAHH!!" A shriek came from the forested area as a panicking Barret came running out. 

Cloud ran after him yelling, and holding a snake in his hand, "Barret, you shriek like a girl!"

"Cloud, don't'cha know that snake can be poisonous?! GET IT AWAY!" Barret shrieked, running around the beach like a girl.

Cloud was still laughing, chasing Barret around with the snake. And they ran back into the forested area.

Aeris giggled.

Tifa got up holding the mint drink in her hand. She looked at it. It looked like green milk, and smelled like rotten cheese. "This is disgusting! It was just a huge waste of time!" She threw the drink in the water. And as soon as it went almost nearly as far as the eye can see…fish started jumping out of the water and dying in the air. "I didn't know it was that bad." Tifa shrugged.

"W-Where are you going?" Aeris asked, nervously.

"Hunting, where else?" Tifa replied. "You coming?"

Aeris looked at the ground, "Well…M-Maybe…but, uh…"

"…Okay! Good, come on!" Tifa pulled Aeris into the forest as they kept walking with the others.

"Cloud, you be a g-good boy an drop the snake now." Barret shuddered, backing up into a tree. "N-now…please?"

Cloud who was in front of him, found it great fun to threaten Barret with the many things he was afraid of. Like snakes, alligators, death, school, worms, wool, sheep, cereal and other abnormal things. That's the way it's been. Anyhow, Cloud was still holding the snake when they heard twigs snapping in the distance. Cloud dropped the snake, and Barret was shivering all the way down to his 'Buzz Lightyear' underwear.

Cait Sith shrieked, "Something's comin'! And it's big!"

Suddenly, a big huge WARK! Was heard somewhere.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Vincent shrieked.

Cid gulped, "Like my chocobo imitation? It really got y'all goin'." He smirked.

"You idiot!" Yuffie grumbled, grasping Cid's neck. 

"Yes, Idiot! Yuffie, strangle him harder! You know I am afraid of live chocobo!" Vincent sighed.

Everyone stared at him.

Vincent looked at them, "Well I- Oh, I shouldn't've said that. Gee, Uh…How's the weather, ol' chap?…You see that's a british term for old friend…uh…" Vincent kept backing away into a tree beside Barret.

"I know how ya feel!" Barret shuddered.

Aeris, who was staring at them all, thought this was all stupid. "Listen! Let's get some rest. It's been a long day, and the last thing we need, is fried Barret and Vincent for dinner!"

"Yeah, listen to the girl! Let's all be friends!" Barret shivered.

"You know, I was lying. Yes, I was lying about the whole chocobo incident…Uh, to prove it. Cid, do your chocobo imitation!" Vincent gasped.

Cid, who was still being strangled by Yuffie, muttered the lowest WARK you've ever heard.

Vincent jumped up and began to run to the beach. 

"Vincent?" Aeris gasped.

"Well, it's not our fault Vincent's scared of birds. In fact, I'm starting to think Vincent's a little bit insane." Cait SIth sighed.

"Really? I know he's insane." Red XIII smirked.

"I think he's a vampire!" Yuffie grinned.

"I know he's a vampire." Tifa murmured.

"I think he's hiding something." Cloud sighed.

"I WANNA KNOW WHY THE HELL WE TALKIN' BOUT HIM ANYHOW!" Barret raged.

"I think we should still get some rest. Tomorrow morning, hopefully, the Highwind will be fixed!" Aeris explained, glaring at Cid. "Let's all head back to the beach. We can weave blankets out of leaves and plants."

"God, no!" Cloud snapped. "What do you think we are, primitive?!"

Aeris grumbled.

"I don't mind sleeping on the beach." Tifa sighed.

"Well…I-I'll stay with her! Considering I'm a great protector and fighter." Yuffie smirked.

"And that you're scared?" Cloud asked.

Yuffie grumbled.

"Just as long they're no snakes, o' alligators, I'll stay on the beach too." Barret shuddered.

"Well, I guess the beach isn't so bad." Cait Sith agreed. "What about sand crabs?"

"Not around this area. It'll be fine." Red XIII stated. "Let's go."

"What about Vincent?" Yuffie asked.

"Do we honestly care?" Cloud asked, grinning.

Everyone laughed.

That night, everyone slept perfectly fine. There was a few voices, a few rustles,…and then there was a CRASH!

Tifa, Cloud, Barret, Cid - Oh for god's sake! Everybody jolted up, "What was that?"

"Yo! 'Great protector'!…Wake up!" Barret snapped, shaking Yuffie.

Yuffie got up, tiredly, "What?…" She looked into the sky and began to cough, "S-s…smoke?"

Everyone jumped up, "SMOKE?!"

"Not today!" Cid whined, rolling back and fourth. "I'm too tired."

"Cid, be quiet!" Tifa sighed. "Let's go see what it is."

"Well…I'll stay here." Aeris grinned. "Good luck, don't get burned, _sayonara_!"

Everyone looked at her.

"Is it illegal all of a sudden?" She snapped.

Everyone, except Aeris was moving closer into the forested areas. It was all black, pitch black, and the moon glimmered from the treetops.

And then a twig snapped, Vincent jumped up, "Oh! The horror! I can't go any further!!" 

"Vincent, shut up!" Tifa grumbled.

"Yeah, guy, I mean…You've barely stepped one foot into the forest." Cloud sighed.

Vincent looked down at his self. Half in, half out. He chuckled, "Well, while I'm like this I might as well…relax…How's tea?"

"Come on, you idiot!" Cid grunted, tugging Vincent inside the forest. They kept walking.

Further and further into the night's darkness…and then-

"Help! Please help!" 

Everyone stopped in their tracks and looked at Vincent, angrily. 

Vincent sighed, "What?"

"He didn't say nothin'!" Barret snapped. "I heard! It came…from there…" He pointed to an opening by two trees…and waited…and waited…and…waited…Barret grumbled, "Shoot! Whoever's in there is supposed to fall out when I point to the area!!!"

"Oh…Ugh!" Suddenly, someone fell out of the bushes.

Everyone gasped as they looked down, "Reno?!"

THE END…?

Look for Part 2 soon ^_~

Author's Note: Did you enjoy the story? Please review! ^_~ Oh yeah…stick around, I guarantee {or your money back!} it's gonna get…cool…


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